He got into the train with the siren of the departing engine. His destination, God's Own Country, Kerala. His journey, an unknown. Train journeys had always been interesting. But this time it was different. He had baggage to carry. Things he would love to leave behind but things that might haunt him for the rest of his life. A bandaged love, a broken heart and yet a new hope, a new beginning, a new lease of life. He settled down amongst the usual clutter and chaos of a train that was still finding it's way out of the city. He wondered, as he sat there, if there was as much gloom and sadness in this world as there was in his life. Did everyone have to a pay the price he had paid at some point in their lives? Had life really boiled down to difficult choices, sadness, pain and betrayal? Was there no good left in what seemed to be a material world?
He squatted on the floor by the door and stared out at the passing fields. Some cotton, some chili, some he didn't know what. Farmers, or were they bonded laborers, tilling the fields, lost in the happy/sad memories of their own lives, living from today to tomorrow, tomorrow to the day after, always one day at a time. Did they have the luxury to retrospect, to look forward to a better day? This fleeting thought passed just as quickly as the fields did. Now he just sat there soaking in the last rays of the setting sun, feeling the wind brush his hair, losing himself to the elements.
He watches an elderly man break into what seems like a sob. Only, it lasts for a little over 30 seconds and the man's eyes show no trace of tears. Did he have a medical condition or was he suffering from a pain, so profound, that his tears dried up, a pain so profound that it made him weep in the middle of a normal, regular conversation. He tried to fight off any thoughts that made him sad. He plugs in his ear phones. He uses the music to lift his spirits. And it does.
The train tugs along as if oblivious to the feelings of the people it was transporting, rocking them from this side to that, drowning out their joys and sorrows alike in a slow rhythmic sound of chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk. Giving the not so happy a chance, a hope, that pain, no matter how much of it, can be conquered; reminding the happy that no joy will ever last forever.
The fields seem to come to life all of a sudden. The bright red and the contrasting green become visible to his eyes, his eyes that he felt had forgotten to appreciate the colors and flavors of life. He is reminded of a trip he had recently made. A Birthday Bash in a beach town, a road trip in the middle of the night, a short trek to a temple on top of a hill, the singing, howling and hooting in the car, some quiet time with his friend, his only companion really in the last few weeks, the walk on the beach at sunrise. He smiles. He smiles because he knows there is still hope. He smiles because he knows there will be a new beginning. He smiles to a brighter, better tomorrow.
The hills come along. The hills always intrigued him. Tall, magnanimous, defiant. Weathered, but still standing tall with their head high. Braving the storm, taking the wind head on, defiant in heat and cold alike, they stand tall, facing the odds. A lesson learnt? May be, but definitely commanding respect. He looks at one in particular, one with a gentle gradient. He wants to get a dirt bike and ride up the hill. He likes the idea. It's a challenge he will definitely relish. A test of his skill on two wheels. One day, in time. Something to look forward to. He sits by the door again, watching the mountains flash by, belting out the words of any and every song he knew. Classic Hindi, pop, Rock he didn't care.
He gets to his destination, almost not knowing what to do there. Guruvayur, a temple town, good people, he feels out of place. A rebel or an outcast? He couldn't tell. But the air, he thinks, feels different. It feels, clean, untouched by the vanities of human existence, pure, powerful and positive. The streets are narrow, not too many vehicles on the road, and he had to walk a good half a kilometer before he could find a decent smoke. Wow! He thinks. Back home he'd just have to walk out of his house before he'd have options to choose from. Strange town he thinks but smiles nevertheless.
The evening takes him to the temple. Skeptic, he walks out of his hotel room. He didn't believe these things. Temple, worship, prayer, these were things that had been forgotten a very long time ago. Faith had recently joined that bandwagon. The experience was nothing he had ever expected. Admiration flows right out of his system the moment he enters the temple. The Hundreds of lamps of lamps lined up along the four walls of the temple are overwhelming. The nadaswaram starts. He is tripping on the sound of the trumpets and the molam.20 minutes feel like a few seconds. He wants to come back here one more time but only when he is ready.
A wedding follows. He goes to it happy and hungry. Tripping on the conversations people of sane mind were having. What was it about? An aunty thinks the future of the country is no good because they don't do half the things her generation did and because they listen to Jalebi Bai, and a friend argues that they are good because they pay their taxes on time. So this is what normal people talk about and this is how they talk, he thinks and chuckles. He tries hard to fight off his laughter. He bites his lips in an attempt to avoid offending either of them. It takes a great deal of effort for him to stop himself from being eccentric. He goes about laughing and cracking up on almost everybody he meets, enjoying the nadaswaram at the wedding, swaying to it with some head banging occasionally. In all the crowd at the wedding, he picks a 5 year old to keep him company. Someone who was his own age he thinks(Never mind how old he was getting or how grey).
He is drawn back to the temple the following morning. He is craving for the music and the hymns and chants from his first visit. He has seen his grandfather and father trip at these poojas at home. He wants to experience the same hysteria that they had experienced back then. He knows he can but he needs the nadaswaram. What a trip that would be. Dancing in a frenzy to classical music, to temple music. Aimlessly he walks around the temple in search of the music. He catches a glimpse of the temple elephant instead. A flock of people are around it. His imagination is running wild. His balance tipsy. He thinks the elephant is going to loose his mind and wreck havoc. He grins as he finds himself looking for a spot to hide. Already!
"A day that started so well can only get better", he thinks. And it does. He is drawn to the beach. To the vast, open, endless sea. He rejoices in the fishing boats, the waves, the coconut trees along side the beach, he rejoices to life. He watches the sea come to shore, longing to be there before it is pulled back in. But only until it comes back harder and stronger. Is it ever too late to try? Is it always too early to give up? Can you ever try hard enough before you give up? Should you ever give up? Questions race through his mind. The answers he would look for at a different time. Or may be not.
He ends the trip with a short visit to a God(or was he just an extraordinary man) who he had come to admire so much. The God who was known for his Tandav, the God who knew how to chill, the God who showed him a good time, the God who, in recent times had intrigued him. He says hi to the one, the only Siva.
With a heavy heart he bids adieu to the temple town of Gurvayur. A town from which he did not expect too much but a town that he will miss. The town that gave him a good trip. He will miss the nadaswaram and the temple, he will miss the beach. How could he forget the people, the elephants and the Sadhya at the wedding.
